so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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