Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
