I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
