Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
