what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
