apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize