Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize