there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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