Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
