New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
