He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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