You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
