when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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