so that wasnt chicken after all
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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