What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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