Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
