im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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