Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
