At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
