her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
