An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
