i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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