you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
