The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
