I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
