I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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