The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
