I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
