She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I die, sorry about rent.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
