i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
