I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize