You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
