So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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