So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
