I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
