I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
