Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
