we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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