Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize