i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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