Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
