i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
