You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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