I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
