Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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