Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
