you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
