I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
her vagine was all disorganized.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
