why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
