I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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