i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
