Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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