I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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