dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
