My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
