ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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