I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
