whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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