I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
