my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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