just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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