My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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