dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
