You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
