If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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