So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
