i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love having hate sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
