yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
