I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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